AM 770 Interview With Trudy

Trudy was on AM 770 in April.
Some of the topics covered:
– Why people avoid confrontation
– Why is it difficult to have a difficult conversation with those we are close to
– How and when to approach a heated issue
Here is the audio:

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Put down the whip

What we focus on in life is what we get. The universe will show up for us exactly as we expect it. Most of us are our own worst critics—often, we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else.

Wrong again

ID-10041042Instead of asking how many we got right, we immediately zero in on how many we got wrong. Rather than celebrating our successes, we beat ourselves up for the errors we made. For most of us, this is a subconscious pattern that’s been long established. Unfortunately, it can permeate all areas of our lives, diminishing our performance at work and in our personal lives. This negative self-perception can influence how we show up in the world—when we met new people, how we interact in our relationships, how we communicate and how we perceive life overall.
In a book I read by Osho, an Indian philosopher, he writes ‘the mind is both logical and linear, so it operates in a straight line limiting our ability to see both sides of a situation. Our minds automatically deny one side.’ Conversely, according to Osho, life is dialectical; it moves with the opposite, zigzagging from positive to negative and negative to positive. Life uses opposites because it believes in two.
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How does this affect your performance? 
The result is your perceptions are lopsided—you perceive only one side of situations, limiting your abilities. This robs you of your power because of mental emotional and sometimes physical imbalance. Optimal performance depends on balance. Look at sports, for example. Athletic endeavours demand balance to be successful. The need for balance is also required in the rest of our lives.
How can you empower your performance?
One way that you can improve your performance is by acquiring more balanced perception is through this exercise. Standing, hold your hands up and in front of you. Place the situation that your attention is on in one hand. Imagine and feel the weight of your viewpoint, whether that is positive or negative. Use your mind to find the opposite side of what you see; again using your imagination to place a weight on it. Keep looking for the opposite until you can feel the imagined weight balanced equally in both hands. This mental exercise will help you to practice perceiving life in a more balanced way.
Other ways to empower your performance:
First, understand that empowered performance is a moment-by-moment creation and make a commitment to empower your own.

  • Recognize the key to empowered performance is to come face to face with how and what you think—this will be some of the most challenging and rewarding work you ever do!
  • Replace judgment with curiosity (as soon as we judge, we view something negatively and we become polarized).
  • Turn your curiosity into self-observation, which cultivates more presence and awareness moment by moment improving the quality of your life.
  • Deliberately look for the other side of a situation. When you are seeing what’s wrong, challenge yourself to find what is right. When you see only the positive, dare yourself to see the complementary opposite.

Consider hiring a coach. A coach’s responsibility and goal whether in sports, business or life is to improve performance and results.  The Demartini Method® is a powerful tool to balance perceptions, emotional and mental states.  I have incorporated this methodology in my Executive and Business coaching programs.
Bookclips ~
1. Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman
Great leaders move us. They ignite our passion and inspire the best in us. When we try to explain why they are so effective, we speak of strategy, vision, or powerful ideas. But the reality is much more primal: Great leadership works through the emotions.
The key to making primal leadership work to everyone’s advantage lies in the leadership competencies of emotional intelligence: how leaders handle themselves and their relationships. Leaders who maximize the benefits of primal leadership drive the emotions of those they lead in the right direction.
2. Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott
Psycho-neuro-immunology is a field in which medical physicians and quantum physicists have met, shaken hands, and engaged in a startling conversation.  It seems that you and I have the ability to strengthen or weaken our own immune systems.  The surprising news is that it has less to do with a healthy diet or an exercise regimen, and more to do with the degree of integrity with which we live our lives. 
3. The Art of Possibility
Related Search: Simply More is an Executive Business Coach and Communication Consultant.

Leaning into Change

ID-100158668If change is inevitable, rather than fighting it, let’s lean into it. Easier said than done. How do you change yourself so that you become more open to the variables life throws at you? You’ve recognized life is transient—but how do you go about making the deep changes you need to flow with life as it shows up?
Often what’s holding us back from creating change that lasts more than a few days lies in our core beliefs about life, which are buried deep within our subconscious. Delving deep and discovering what those beliefs are is the key to change. As an example, if you believe life is hard on a subconscious level, likely you will approach life in ways that make it more difficult. But if you’re confident in yourself and your strengths and abilities to cope, your perception of your life will be different. When you have a firm belief that you are capable, the vagaries of life are less daunting.
The beliefs that limit us are different for everyone: “I will never be successful because I’m not powerful enough”, or “I am not worthy of this success”.
Tips on becoming more self-confident

  1. Write down the fears and doubts you experience.
  2. Examine these fears and doubts to discover what beliefs are behind them—write these down.
  3. Once you’ve identified the core beliefs that are sabotaging your success, create a new set of beliefs that reflect how you want to live – write these down. Connect with the fact that you deserve success, that you are powerful enough to create the life you want.
  4. Visualize your future based on those new beliefs and continue to do so. Act as if you are powerful. Think that you are powerful. Your subconscious can’t tell the different and will incorporate that new belief.

Critical to self-confidence is knowing yourself. When you’ve taken the time for self-exploration and have developed a strong sense of yourself, external conditions diminish in importance.
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Actions that will increase your adaptability to a changing environment:

  1. Confident people know themselves; specifically they are certain of their strengths. Make a list of both your accomplishments, strengths and your weaknesses to ensure a well-rounded view of yourself.  Increasing your knowledge of self allows you to position yourself in ways that utilize your strengths and where your weaknesses are a non-issue.
  2. Balance your perspective by identifying the complimentary opposites that exist in all situations. Be deliberate in focusing and directing your energy on the aspects that move you forward.
  3. Practices like meditation, stretching, and visualization are powerful techniques that improve your physiology, emotional, mental and physical state.  This increases your ability to capitalize on change.
  4. Most of know what we don’t like and few know what truly rejuvenates and nurtures us.  Explore opportunities with the intention to increase the joy in your life.  Take dance lessons, learn a new language, get active and pay attention to what fills you up.
  5. Clear the way for creativity by recognizing that your self-image may have little to do with who you are and what you can do, yet it is always a precise evaluation of yourself.  Your values include attitudes, beliefs, opinions, hopes, fears, and prejudices to name a few and all together this governs how we behave.

Source: Adapting to Change by Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D

A Road Map to Change
We’re often our own worst critics—sometimes realizing our own strength takes someone else to point them out. And we’re often too busy keeping up with work or the rest of our lives to take the time for self-exploration. Working with a coach or another person trained to facilitate this type of work can be valuable.
Related Search: Simply More offers 1-3 day Leadership Training & Workshop series. This training helps you connect with your peers, communicate about common issues, and explore solutions. Public speaking workshops are also available.

The Inevitability of Change

Many people fear change, although it’s been said change is the only constant in our world today. So wouldn’t it make sense to learn to embrace change, rather than to avoid it?
Perception is everything
ID-10064924How we filter information and how we name or label situations is what triggers our reactions. When something changes, we go through an emotional transition whether we realize it or not—if we perceive change as a threat, we’ll become fearful. If we perceive it as an opportunity, we’ll lean into it. Our thoughts and words are powerful. The way we think about a situation is how it’s going to show up for us.
Change is often disruptive, and for some, traumatic. However, it’s an important aspect of organizational life and essential to growth and success. Those who know how to anticipate change, catalyze change and manage change will find their roles more satisfying and their organizations more successful.
(Source: Managing Change and Transition – Richard Lueke, Harvard Business Essentials)
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Are you change-adept?
Those that accept change more easily typically have these characteristics or have incorporated these habits into their lives:

  1. Self-confidence—people who have confidence in their own abilities and strengths believe they have the skills to adapt and the ability to move from the old into the new. Make a list of your accomplishments and your strengths and weaknesses—often we focus on our failures, forgetting our successes. Having this list can help boost your self-confidence and give you a more accurate view of yourself.
  2. Positive Attitude—it’s a matter of perception. Change-adept people view change as positive. They look at it as an adventure rather than as something to be endured.
  3. Coping strategies—people who have developed healthy ways of dealing with life are less likely to be stressed by change. Problems and challenges are always going to appear; having a toolbox of strategies like meditation, exercise, deep breathing, talking to a close friend and exercise can help you cope.
  4. Balance—the key to facing problems and solving them. If you have a good balance between your work and your personal life, you’ll respond more calmly and positively to situations. Make time in your day for what feeds your soul.
  5. Creativity—we’re all creative in different ways. Instead of focusing on the problem, look for solutions.

Change checklist

  •  Have I accepted the fact that nonstop change is the unavoidable reality today?
  • Do I honestly think of the status quo as only a temporary resting place in a time of constant change?
  • Do I understand that the continual updating of skills is a requirement of today’s workplace?
  • Do I have enough information about global competition and how it is affecting my industry and profession?
  • Am I ready to explore new ways of seeing my life and my options?

(Source: Adapting to Change by Carol Kinsey Goman)
The role of leadership is to implement change; any business that is static will soon fall behind. Learning ways to lean into change and to help your team embrace the inevitable can add to your success and that of your company.
Related Search: Simply More offers succession planning for businesses. How does one take on the challenge of succession planning? It takes a commitment to complete the process, a skilled trusted advisor and one conversation at a time!

Get out of your own way

Barriers to Effective Listening
This past weekend I facilitated a family conference for successful succession planning where one of the participants said to me, “When you are facilitating, you are with us – it’s like there is no one else that exists”. I started thinking about how important it is to be fully present when we’re listening and what gets in the way of active listening.
In his book Quiet Leadership, David Rock says”….we literally hear only what we listen for. Listening for potential requires a willingness to identify and put aside mental states that could cloud our ability to listen openly. A Quiet Leader does a critical thing-they listen for people’s potential. When a Quiet Leader listens, they listen to people and believe in others completely. They encourage and support others in being the best they can be, just in how they listen, without saying a word.”
Are you listening effectively?
Most of us do this–while we’re listening, we’re planning our response. This behaviour doesn’t give us the opportunity to be fully present to what the other person is saying. Also, we’re in love with our own ideas and show up with preconceived notions about situations, putting up a barrier to our ability to consider new ideas.
Related Search: Simply More is an Executive Business Coach and Communication Consultant.

The Art of Listening
Mastering the art of listening is a crucial component of effective leadership—a good leader understands people want and need to be heard. The best leaders are open to hearing what others have to say and understanding they are the not the only ones with the answers.
Common Barriers to Effective Listening
The next time you’re in an important conversation with someone, pay attention to see if you’re engaging in these common barriers to effective listening:
1. Are you showing up with predetermined attitudes and assumptions about the other person or the subject matter being discussed?
New shared meaning and understanding can be created by good conversations, but only if the participants are open to consider those new possibilities. Many of us use conversation to reiterate our own positions with the result that little is gained.
TIP: Try this—join a conversation with an open mind and desire to learn something new by listening without curiousity or bias.
2. Are you so preoccupied with your own thoughts that you are unable to listen attentively?
Sometimes we are so distracted by other situations unrelated to the topic of conversation, or we’re so busy formulating our response, we miss what’s said. Focusing attention on the other person’s words isn’t always easy.
TIP: The part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex, used to plan complex cognitive tasks, make decisions and choose proper social behaviour, is easily overwhelmed. Our brains can only process about seven pieces of information in our conscious mind at any one time, making it impossible to pay attention to several things simultaneously. To listen actively and push aside distracting thoughts requires discipline and training.
3. Are you busy completing the other person’s thoughts and jumping to conclusions?
Often we hear something and think, “Oh, I know where she is going with this.”  We attribute ideas, motivations, and intentions to others that may not be true, leading to misunderstandings. This happens most often if we have known the other people participating in the conversation for a long time; we think we know what they are going to say.
TIP: Active listening requires patience. Let others finish what they are going to say and don’t make assumptions.
4. Are you engaged in selective listening?
Sometimes we listen only to what we want to hear. We like to be right and we don’t feel comfortable when something contradicts our belief systems. It’s easier for us to ignore information that isn’t consistent with what we believe. The downside to this is that we then don’t learn from others and can’t effectively collaborate.
TIP: To overcome selective listening, try paraphrasing or mirroring back what you heard to make sure you understand the other person’s point of view. To practice this, engage in conversations with people who you know you disagree with and learn to respectfully discuss your disagreements. Encourage diverse opinions with the plan of considering them thoroughly and learning from others.
5. Are you paying enough attention to body language and other forms of communication such as rate of speech, emphasis, tone and intonation?
What’s being said is only a small part of communication. Body language, how fast someone is speaking and tone give clues to their emotions, feelings and stress levels which can provide important information that isn’t being expressed in words.
TIP: Try focusing on what’s not being said. Active listening includes being a good observer.
6. Are you in too much of a hurry to listen effectively?
We’re all busy and want to get on with our own business, so we’ don’t take the time to listen and can’t wait for the other person to finish what they’re saying. People are able to sense when you don’t really want to listen and this behaviour can create barriers.
TIP: If you’re always trying to control the pace of the conversation, try to intentionally slow yourself down or suggest a better time to talk. A conversation shouldn’t be a race.  
In Five Steps to Start and Make Business Work, Richard Branson says, “As a leader you have to be a really good listener. You need to know your own mind but there is no point in imposing your views on others without some debate. No one has a monopoly on good ideas or good advice. Get out there, listen to people, draw people out, and learn from them.”
Related Search: Simply More offers 1-3 day Leadership Training & Workshop series. This training helps you connect with your peers, communicate about common issues, and explore solutions.