Emotional Intelligence: Understanding Emotions & Their Behavioural Impact

Self-Perception: Emotional Self-Awareness Competency

PositionalViewsEmotional Self-Awareness includes recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one’s own emotions while understanding the cause of these emotions, as well as the impact they have on one’s own thoughts and actions, and those of others.
Neuroscience research shows that 80% of what we see is seen by the patterns in our brain vs. reality in front of us.  Research also shows that we only take in information that validates our context (views, opinions, perspectives, etc.).  In part, what is at play is our inherent need to be right. Examples of this are: a person sees their boss as “a jerk or a terrific person”, or a sibling who has a conflict with another family member will naturally blame it on that family member’s character.
While our brain has the capability to see multiple perspectives, we automatically live in one of two positions: Good – Bad | Right – Wrong | I like them – I don’t like them | I like this – I don’t like this. Self-awareness requires each of us to look in the mirror at ourselves and no one else.  Look at your own thoughts, feelings, triggers and experiences as your own.
Emotional Self-Awareness Activity: Notice the position you take | Notice the impact it has on your communication/relationships | Notice the quality of your life as a result of the positions you take.
Daily Emotion Log – Record the events and emotions for a week of your life, and take stock of how your behaviour influenced the outcome:

  • When:
  • Event:
  • Emotions Experienced:
  • Behaviour:
  • Outcome:

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EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency.  I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at trudy@simplymore.ca.

Emotional Intelligence: The Willingness to Persistently Try to Improve Oneself

Self-Perception: Self-Actualization Competency

Self-Actualization is the willingness to persistently improve oneself, fulfill our potential and capabilities and; engage in the pursuit of personally relevant and meaningful goals, such that we live a life we love.
It can be as simple as giving yourself permission to honor what really matters to you!  For many of us, we know way more about what we don’t want, than what we do want.  In my work as an executive coach, I see people getting focused and even stuck on what they don’t want.  The saying “what we resist, persists” is true.  When we think and speak about what we don’t want (what didn’t work out, or didn’t meet our expectations, etc), we are actually feeding energy into that experience therefore keeping it alive in our reality.  The way to grow from an experience of something you don’t want is to consider, what it is that you really want.  In other words use that contrasting experience to clarify what we really want and what matters to us.
Many of us are so busy trying to be successful, we don’t make time for connection with those that are important to us, for those important conversations to discover, learn and appreciated.  We are too busy to step out for a few moments in silence with ourselves, too busy to say “I love you” and “Thank you”, too busy to reflect on our successes; too busy to enjoy the journey as we are in pursuit of some destination, and certainly too busy to be happy.
Defining Success:  Self-actualization is directly correlated to how you define success in life.

  1. Write down your definition of success.
  2. Ask yourself “Is this (what you wrote), what truly matters to me and has me be fulfilled?”
  3. Re-define success.

Years ago, my only measure of success was based on the dollar number I made, which translated into what I wore, drove, and had.  I’ve re-defined my personal success statement several times and I review it often particularly when I shift into a different life-cycle both in family and business.    The following is my current success statement:
“I am ever expanding and becoming my best self.  I am on purpose, doing what I love to do, creating and experiencing abundance of life, joy, love and opportunity.  I am prosperous — flourishing in health, experiencing peace and plenty.  I have freedom to pick people and projects to work with.  I am accomplished and satisfied with a lifestyle of choice and opportunity.  My kids are living a life they love, healthy, fulfilled and expressed. I am intimately sharing all that life has to offer with a great man while enjoying the pleasure of beautiful family and friends.”

Self-Assessment:  Reflective questions

  1. What would I be doing if I were not this busy?
  2. What moves and inspires me at the core of who I am?
  3. Who could I be and what actions could I take to expand those experiences in my life?
  4. If I could not fail, who would I be? What would I be doing? What would I have?
  5. Do one thing every day to breathe life into what you discovered in your answers.

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EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency.  I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at trudy@simplymore.ca.

 

EQ Emotional Intelligence: Do You Keep Promises to Yourself?

Emotional Intelligence Self-Perception: The Self-Regard Competency

A thermometer with mercury bursting through the glass, and the words Confidence Level, symbolizing a positive attitude
Self-Regard is respecting oneself while understanding & accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses. It is often associated with feelings of inner strength & self-confidence.
The single fastest way to grow your self-confidence and self-esteem is to keep the promises you make to yourself. I was in Dubai in January 2015 for a leadership program at Zayed University called “Being a Leader”.  One of the facilitator’s questions to us was “Do you care enough about yourself to honor your word, particularly those promises you make to yourself?”
As an executive coach, I see examples in the workplace where leaders promise to take action within a timeframe; and don’t.  In 2009, I made a promise to my dad to love him unconditionally.  About a month ago, I was reacting to something he said with criticism and anger.  As a result, there was an erosion of affinity in our relationship impacting both him and I, given I didn’t honor my promise.  In my own life, I’ve diminished my well being, sense of peace and personal power when I’ve not honored my promise to myself about health in my exercise and lifestyle eating regime.
“Put simply, people consistently act inconsistently, unaware of the contradiction between their espoused theory and their theory-in-use, between the way they think they are acting and the way they really act.” Chris Argyris, 1991, Teaching Smart People How to Learn (Harvard Business Review: May-June) 
Self-Regard Awareness Activity: Identify and acknowledge all the promises you’ve made and not kept in the areas noted below.

  • In the workplace
  • In my personal relationships & life
  • In my relationship with myself

I encourage you to address the less than positive impact with a simple apology and acknowledgement of the impact that made.  Then make a new promise in the area – if it really matters to you – and design a structure (actions and time-frames) that enables you to fulfill it.  If you authentically aren’t committed to taking action, care enough about yourself to accept yourself as you are and as you are not.  Taking action to acknowledge the impact will restore your integrity resulting in a “bigger” experience of yourself.  Said another way, your confidence will expand.

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EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency.  I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at trudy@simplymore.ca.
Related blogs in this series: