Are You Communicating Your Emotions Openly, Authentically & Congruently?

Emotional Intelligence: Self-Expression Composite
To summarize the self-expression composite: our goals are to increase awareness and understanding, giving us access to transform the most powerful lenses through which we experience life and our relationships — how we see ourselves and what we believe at an inner most level about ourselves. This composite focuses our awareness and understanding on how we express ourselves.
Self-expression is about how we communicate our own emotions openly, authentically and congruently – while being a match for the situation and people involved – in ways that enable us to produce our desired results. In other words, given we are emotional beings, self-expression is how we share and utilize our emotions to create the results and quality interactions we aspire to enjoy.
The human brain is designed to create patterns. These patterns go deep and wide, which is why there is agreement amongst thought leaders that self-awareness is the most important success factor in leadership and life in general.
Given we all have patterned communication styles, the work begins with understanding your dominant patterns. Once you clearly see how you show up, you can allow yourself to go deeper into the less obvious patterns and perhaps get closer to understanding how others experience you. What we talk about, and more importantly, how we talk about it determines what gets done and doesn’t get done. Success or failure / isolation or connection is created one conversation at a time.
This idea is the same as what Covey coined as the emotional bank account – each interaction of importance either builds or erodes trust. Our ability to being effectively self-expressed is key to the reputation we have with others. Are you someone who leaves people empowered and mobilized in action on the right things with clarity; or are you someone who leaves people cut off at the knees, feeling small and confused?
Developing yourself in the self-expression composite will increase your effectiveness and the results you produce through communication – both verbal and non-verbal. In the coming weeks as we dive into the three competencies that make-up of the self-expression composite, remember that the goal is to see yourself as others see you.
Get started: Gather markers matching the colored dots below or use shapes to distinguish each style (∆ ♥ ◊ ○ □). Name the important people in your life (some examples are included) and reflect on the specific situations that fall under the headings provided. Using the colors or symbols identify what you see as your pattern with each person in the different scenarios.
Self-Expression Exercise

Tune in over the next 3 weeks, to learn about the 3 Self-expression competencies:
• Emotional Expression
• Assertiveness
• Independence


EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency. I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at