"Take a Walk on the Inside" – the opportunities are infinite in a lifetime

I am on another journey to “Take a Walk on the Inside”, the title of my book launched in October 2016.
My almost 2-year relationship ended a couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend says to me, “I’m not committed. I’m not attracted to you and haven’t been since December. I’m not inspired.”
WOW – I had no idea what his reality is inside of our relationship.
I am unrecognizable to myself. I got his communication and I take full responsibility. I share that I see conversations where I’ve been demanding and critical – even adversarial. I ask what impact that has on him. I’m standing for my possibility of exquisite love and partnership that lasts a lifetime.
As I reflect on my Walk on the Inside, I see conversations missing – questions I didn’t have the courage to ask. I see where I was being in-authentic and the impact on him, me and us. I see moments in time where I stepped over stuff. As I explore my background conversation, said another way, my context – how I think about myself, men, relationship, love, intimacy and so much more, I am discovering what was hidden from my view. My journey is so rich with many “ahas” from the moments in time.
I have moments, sometimes minutes where I have to cause myself to remain inside of being responsible. Why? There is that smaller part of me who wants to blame; and wants to be angry with him being the bad guy. While that is part of my humanity; and natural, I know that gives me no power. I let myself feel what I feel; and then generate myself as the self-directed leader my entire life’s work is all about – courageously.  In that, I discover how big of a human being I am.
Your turn — for a moment:  Take a Walk on the Inside
Notice your own reaction – what is playing out in the background? What are the labels you are putting to me and to him? Notice — just notice.
I am in the inquiry to make the most and take the gold from this experience. I am in the process of completing the relationship, all the glorious moments, happy and fun times, victories, breakdowns and upsets. I am so grateful for sharing life intimately with him, for having an opportunity to love deeply and play full-out, such that I now know myself “newly” in this area of life.
This is what it is to “Take a Walk on the Inside” – when circumstances confront reality, stand in being responsible and play the game to master oneself. That is when we are present to our greatness!
If you are inspired by my story and recognize that the time may be now for you to “Take a Walk on the Inside”, you can email or message me for a copy of the book or order it directly at https://squareup.com/store/simply-more-inc

Emotional Intelligence: Understanding Emotions & Their Behavioural Impact

Self-Perception: Emotional Self-Awareness Competency

PositionalViewsEmotional Self-Awareness includes recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one’s own emotions while understanding the cause of these emotions, as well as the impact they have on one’s own thoughts and actions, and those of others.
Neuroscience research shows that 80% of what we see is seen by the patterns in our brain vs. reality in front of us.  Research also shows that we only take in information that validates our context (views, opinions, perspectives, etc.).  In part, what is at play is our inherent need to be right. Examples of this are: a person sees their boss as “a jerk or a terrific person”, or a sibling who has a conflict with another family member will naturally blame it on that family member’s character.
While our brain has the capability to see multiple perspectives, we automatically live in one of two positions: Good – Bad | Right – Wrong | I like them – I don’t like them | I like this – I don’t like this. Self-awareness requires each of us to look in the mirror at ourselves and no one else.  Look at your own thoughts, feelings, triggers and experiences as your own.
Emotional Self-Awareness Activity: Notice the position you take | Notice the impact it has on your communication/relationships | Notice the quality of your life as a result of the positions you take.
Daily Emotion Log – Record the events and emotions for a week of your life, and take stock of how your behaviour influenced the outcome:

  • When:
  • Event:
  • Emotions Experienced:
  • Behaviour:
  • Outcome:

 *

EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency.  I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at trudy@simplymore.ca.

Choice is a Function of Awareness!

The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

George Bernard Shaw

The more aware you are about what is happening for you (on the inside); the more options you will have to be responsive in your communication and interactions with others.  We all have triggers that cause us to automatically react – like when pushed or attacked, we automatically shift into fight or flight mode to find ourselves pushing back (defending, attacking, etc).  Simply said, we all have blind spots as it’s not easy to see ourselves objectively.
We also have personal meanings attached to certain words and phrases.  Just yesterday, I was speaking with someone about being responsible for what happens in one’s life; and I specifically said “I’m not talking about fault and blame which is how I believe people think about responsibility; I’m talking about standing in the space of having personal power in the face of any circumstance”.  He says to me, “It’s not your fault when something in your life happens that is completely out of your control.”   Initially, it was somewhat of a circular conversation as his meaning of “responsibility” is fault and blame and mine is personal power.  Adding to that, there is an “occurring” or experience of each other in the conversation.  It occurred to him as someone who manipulates words to serve my agenda and my occurring was he was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to me.  What do you see as the trajectory of this conversation with those dynamics at play?
I had the awareness to refrain from reacting to my occurring of not being listened to.  This gave me choice inside of our conversation such that we landed in a great place with deeper understanding about ourselves and each other.
We naturally take a position when listening even though our mind has the capacity to see multiple perspectives.  Some common positions we automatically take are good or bad, right or wrong, I like this or I don’t like this, I like them or
PositionalViews
I don’t like them.
A great way to increase your self-awareness is to notice which position you take in any given situation.  It’s in the noticing of your position that you actually loosen its grip on you allowing you to be responsive rather than reactive.  In other words, rather than reacting, you are enabling “choice” in how to interact and express yourself.
Connect with me,
Trudy

Step Aside

ID-10035554Every day, we’re faced with a number of choices. One of those is how we perceive the different situations we’re faced with daily. Often we’re so determined to barrel ahead that we not only get in the way of others, we get in our own way.
When we take the time to look at what will support the greater good in a situation, we allow ourselves to expand, and in doing so, we also give others the opportunity to expand. When we’re busy trying to maintain control, we keep others and ourselves small.
Related Search: Simply More is an Executive Business Coach and Communication Consultant.
Face the fear
Why? Often it’s out of fear. Fear that if we let go, we’ll lose something. But what if we chose trust instead of fear and let ourselves be open to what the universe might bring us. All of us experience fear, but it’s in moving through the fear we expand, and provide the opportunity for greatness.
Reach for greatness
We can experience the fear and acknowledge it, but continue to move forward into the endless possibilities. The alternative is to stay small and in doing so, run the risk of not living out our purpose. We are all capable of so much, but few of us reach our potential.
“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
What if you got out of the way and let things unfold as they should?
Ask yourself these questions:
1.  In what ways are the conversations you are having with yourself keeping you small?  What conversation(s) would you have to give up about yourself to grow your existing greatness?
2.  How do you think others would describe you? Chances are they can see your greatness even when you can’t.
You might be amazed at what happens! Another great quote from Nelson Mandela ~
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Related Search: Simply More is a Business Consultant in Calgary specializing in executive coaching, team facilitation, and leadership training
Resources:
Books:
The Right Questions – Debbie Ford
Bookclips: An extraordinary person is an ordinary person who makes extraordinary choices.  Extraordinary people hold bigger visions for themselves.  They make choices consistent not only with the highest expression of themselves; also the greater good of the world.
We can’t be traveling east and west at the same time.  We are going either one way or the other.
Silence – Christina Feldman
Bookclips:  Silence is what frees us to listen well, to live with authenticity and to discover wholeness within ourselves. 
It takes immense courage to be willing to meet ourselves in silence. In silence we are visible ourselves. 
Articles: 
Challenging Negative Self-Talk: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/challenging-negative-self-talk/
Living Up to Your Greatness: http://www.poweredbyintuition.com/2011/06/12/how-to-overcome-fear-and-live-up-to-your-greatness/