"Take a Walk on the Inside" – the opportunities are infinite in a lifetime

I am on another journey to “Take a Walk on the Inside”, the title of my book launched in October 2016.
My almost 2-year relationship ended a couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend says to me, “I’m not committed. I’m not attracted to you and haven’t been since December. I’m not inspired.”
WOW – I had no idea what his reality is inside of our relationship.
I am unrecognizable to myself. I got his communication and I take full responsibility. I share that I see conversations where I’ve been demanding and critical – even adversarial. I ask what impact that has on him. I’m standing for my possibility of exquisite love and partnership that lasts a lifetime.
As I reflect on my Walk on the Inside, I see conversations missing – questions I didn’t have the courage to ask. I see where I was being in-authentic and the impact on him, me and us. I see moments in time where I stepped over stuff. As I explore my background conversation, said another way, my context – how I think about myself, men, relationship, love, intimacy and so much more, I am discovering what was hidden from my view. My journey is so rich with many “ahas” from the moments in time.
I have moments, sometimes minutes where I have to cause myself to remain inside of being responsible. Why? There is that smaller part of me who wants to blame; and wants to be angry with him being the bad guy. While that is part of my humanity; and natural, I know that gives me no power. I let myself feel what I feel; and then generate myself as the self-directed leader my entire life’s work is all about – courageously.  In that, I discover how big of a human being I am.
Your turn — for a moment:  Take a Walk on the Inside
Notice your own reaction – what is playing out in the background? What are the labels you are putting to me and to him? Notice — just notice.
I am in the inquiry to make the most and take the gold from this experience. I am in the process of completing the relationship, all the glorious moments, happy and fun times, victories, breakdowns and upsets. I am so grateful for sharing life intimately with him, for having an opportunity to love deeply and play full-out, such that I now know myself “newly” in this area of life.
This is what it is to “Take a Walk on the Inside” – when circumstances confront reality, stand in being responsible and play the game to master oneself. That is when we are present to our greatness!
If you are inspired by my story and recognize that the time may be now for you to “Take a Walk on the Inside”, you can email or message me for a copy of the book or order it directly at https://squareup.com/store/simply-more-inc

What results do your conversations produce?

Lost and Confused Signpost
I’m facilitating an executive coaching dialogue with a client who is expressing some frustration as a result of a blowup he had with another senior leader the week before.  Our exploration led him to recognize he goes about his day with general ideas on what he wants to get done.  He goes into his conversations with his ideas, opinions, reactions, assumptions and conclusions about what’s going on for others in the face of getting things done and dealing with everyday challenges.  This leaves little space for others to share their experiences and contribute to the conversation.  It was a privilege to facilitate his discovery about how his opinions, conclusions and assumptions impact people and his conversations, and specifically; the results his conversations do or don’t produce.
One of the principles in Fierce Conversations® is to “take responsibility for your emotional wake”.   Not unlike a boat creates a wake in the water, we (each of us) and our conversations create an emotional wake with people.  How do you and your conversations leave people?  — In an aftermath or a state of empowerment?  Access to leaving people empowered and you being effective requires being purposeful, intentional and/or deliberate.  How often are you deliberate in your interactions?  How purposeful are you as you engage in your work each day?
A tool to use at the “speed of life”….
1, 2, 3: Now!™

  1. Stop – Take stock of your thoughts, feelings & attitude(s) as you leave the last time block (interaction and/or experience)
  2. Identify the Next Time Block (Interaction and/or Experience)  – Consider who & what this next interaction involves; presence your thoughts, feelings & attitude
  3. Create an intention/purpose for what you want to accomplish in this next block of time (Interaction and/or Experience) I’m committed to / I’d love to / want to… Be, Do, Have

My challenge to you is use this tool each morning for 30 days.  Let me know your results and experiences.
Connect with me,
Trudy
trudy@simplymore.ca
https://twitter.com/TrudyPelletier
https://www.facebook.com/SimplyMoreInc.

This conversation isn't going well…

A couple of weeks ago, I was leading a team conversation to improve listening skill and expand ability to ask big questions.  And it wasn’t going well, and; further to that I knew it wasn’t going well.  What I know to do in the face of things not going well is to stop and check in with people to see what’s happening for them.  Acknowledging the experience people are having, including myself is the first step in being able to alter the trajectory we are on.  The authenticity of expressing “this doesn’t seem to be working for you and it isn’t working for me” enables an opening for a “new” conversation.  It creates a space that frees people up to be “real” and share their experience.  When you recognize your need to alter the course you are on because you see it isn’t going to end the way you want it to, the following actions will enable you to alter that course:

  •         Check in with yourself and other(s) to understand how the experience is occurring
  •         Review purpose, goals and objectives for the conversation
  •         Ask questions and listen for what’s possible
  •         Let silence do the heavy lifting

Connect with me,
Trudy

Orange Pants Moment

When I was 13 years old, my mother insisted I wear a pair of orange hand-me-down pants. They were seriously out of fashion and I felt like a giant walking pumpkin. No matter how much I protested, my mother stuck to her guns, ignoring my feelings and wants. Along with feeling isolated, teased and at the centre of negative attention by my peers, I also felt discounted—what I wanted didn’t matter.
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Years later, this ‘orange pants’ experience was one of the things that led  me to the work I do today and to making a point of never discounting anyone.
I could have chosen a different path, one filled with regret and anger, where I stayed stuck in resenting my mother and as often happens, mirroring her behaviour.
Left or right
In any situation we have choices. Everything we feel anger or resentment about is in the past; it doesn’t exist in the present. We can’t change the past, we can’t have a ‘better past’, so what’s left? We can choose to stay stuck in our anger and regret, or we can learn from what happened.
How to release and prevent resentment
When we let go of the past and live in the present, the energy that went into feeding our bitter emotions returns, leaving us feeling more vital and alive. Any negative emotion such as anger or resentment can be toxic and causes us much more harm than others. It’s often said resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Your ‘orange pants’ experiences
Think back about times in your life that have you still harbouring negative emotions.  How could you learn from them and turn them into a positive experience, making for a better future? What would you do with the increased energy you would have if you were no longer tied to the past?
Rebuilding
If you want to make progress, rebuilding is one choice. The alternative is to continue to try to rewrite the past. Redirect your focus and effort to the future instead of to the past; remove emotional pain and negative thoughts and replace them with positivity. When you integrate what’s happened into new thoughts about who you are at the core, you can use the knowledge gained from the incident to give you inner strength and valuable insight, leading to a more promising future.
Related Searches: Simply More offers help for Emotional Coaching.

Failure

Failure—it’s a word that strikes fear into most hearts. Failure is a country we don’t ever want to visit. We’ve been socialized to avoid failure at all costs. Our reputation, our self-esteem, our careers, our personal relationships—we believe they are all at risk if we fail. But what if there’s another kind of failure?
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What if avoiding failure is failing in itself? If we aren’t willing to take the risk, to put ourselves in the path of potential defeat, is that not another kind of failing? Avoidance can give us the perception of safety and create a shield to hold tight to that we view as dear. Is that how we want to live—hiding, grasping onto what we have for fear of losing it?
Difficult conversations are often perceived as a minefield to be avoided at all costs. But could evading the conversation be considered a failure? Typically, we steer clear of potentially troublesome conversations in the hopes of not having a ‘failed’ conversation.
We’re not designed to handle crucial conversations effectively. Our bodies prepare for fight or flight when we feel threatened by sending blood and adrenaline to our extremities, away from our brains; we don’t think as clearly.
Recognizing the risks and the price of failing to have these conversations is essential to growth on a personal and leadership level. Working through conversations and developing better communications skills ahead of time with a coach or mentor can mean a more genuine, authentic style of approaching these difficult discussions. Even failed conversations can be stepping stones to creating deeper relationships and future success at home and at the office.
Related Search: Communication & Team Facilitation
What conversations have you been failing to have?

When Silence isn’t Golden

What’s the cost to remaining quiet?
Whether it’s in the workplace or at home, carrying the burden of missed or failed conversations takes a toll, causing stress and physical as well as emotional pain. Contrast those discussions (or non-discussions) with conversations we go into feeling powerful or which end on a strong and positive note.
Most of us are familiar with the term ‘the elephant in the room’. It refers to an important as well as obvious topic which everyone is aware of, but which is not discussed because having the discussion would be uncomfortable for some or all of the parties—in other words, a topic which is  ‘undiscussable.’
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Here’s a story a colleague told me about at a course I was at in 2010—‘ a man with a drinking problem drove his Oldsmobile into the dining room late one night.  In the morning, his family got up, ate breakfast; all the while no one said a word about the Oldsmobile sitting in the dining room.’
This is what I mean by an undiscussable. When our work or personal relationships are littered with these, we pay a high price. People disengage, productivity decreases, stress-related illness appears and the whole organization or family is affected. As time goes on and we compromise ourselves by not speaking up, resentment grows; people resign, families face a crisis and the damage can be lasting.
Related Search: Communication & Team Facilitation
How do we move past this kind of situation?
To move forward, we need to find the courage to be honest with others and ourselves. By working with an executive coach or communication consultant, we can bring emotional awareness to conversations leading to more successful relationships where respect, creative problem-solving and collaboration reside. Everyone involved will experience more authenticity and passion, when they can act with integrity and honour themselves.

The Big C – Change

Why is change so hard?
Most of us resist change, holding tight to old ways of doing things and wanting our worlds to remain the same. Resistance to change can be so strong, often in spite of overwhelming evidence it would improve our lives significantly, we still dig our heels in. In fact, research indicates only one in nine people who have had a heart attack alter their lifestyles.
Similarly, business leaders can get stuck in a rut, using traditional ways of leadership, which are no longer effective.

22From”Quiet Leadership” by David Rock

As a leader, your role is to effect change. In Inc.com Magazine, Peter Drucker, management consultant, educator, and author, whose writings have made significant contributions to modern business practices, says ‘….change is the norm. To be sure, it is painful and risky, and above all, it requires a great deal of very hard work. But unless an organization sees that its task is to lead change, that organization–whether a business, a university, or a hospital–will not survive. In a period of rapid structural change the only organizations that survive are the “change leaders.” ‘.
(http://www.inc.com/magazine/19990601/804.html)
How do you break out of old habits and transform your own leadership skills?
Related Search: Leadership Workshops
Excellent leaders are always looking to improve performance. Training, mentoring, and coaching workshops and programs offer the opportunity for leaders to increase awareness, reduce their own resistance to change and transform leadership behaviors. By improving your skills and understanding your issues with change, you can understand the challenges your teams face and be more empathetic in your approach.
Related Search: Leadership Transformational Process
Leaders need to be willing to stretch and change, giving them the skills to understand how to inspire their teams to follow them on the journey.