Emotional Intelligence: The Willingness to Persistently Try to Improve Oneself

Self-Perception: Self-Actualization Competency

Self-Actualization is the willingness to persistently improve oneself, fulfill our potential and capabilities and; engage in the pursuit of personally relevant and meaningful goals, such that we live a life we love.
It can be as simple as giving yourself permission to honor what really matters to you!  For many of us, we know way more about what we don’t want, than what we do want.  In my work as an executive coach, I see people getting focused and even stuck on what they don’t want.  The saying “what we resist, persists” is true.  When we think and speak about what we don’t want (what didn’t work out, or didn’t meet our expectations, etc), we are actually feeding energy into that experience therefore keeping it alive in our reality.  The way to grow from an experience of something you don’t want is to consider, what it is that you really want.  In other words use that contrasting experience to clarify what we really want and what matters to us.
Many of us are so busy trying to be successful, we don’t make time for connection with those that are important to us, for those important conversations to discover, learn and appreciated.  We are too busy to step out for a few moments in silence with ourselves, too busy to say “I love you” and “Thank you”, too busy to reflect on our successes; too busy to enjoy the journey as we are in pursuit of some destination, and certainly too busy to be happy.
Defining Success:  Self-actualization is directly correlated to how you define success in life.

  1. Write down your definition of success.
  2. Ask yourself “Is this (what you wrote), what truly matters to me and has me be fulfilled?”
  3. Re-define success.

Years ago, my only measure of success was based on the dollar number I made, which translated into what I wore, drove, and had.  I’ve re-defined my personal success statement several times and I review it often particularly when I shift into a different life-cycle both in family and business.    The following is my current success statement:
“I am ever expanding and becoming my best self.  I am on purpose, doing what I love to do, creating and experiencing abundance of life, joy, love and opportunity.  I am prosperous — flourishing in health, experiencing peace and plenty.  I have freedom to pick people and projects to work with.  I am accomplished and satisfied with a lifestyle of choice and opportunity.  My kids are living a life they love, healthy, fulfilled and expressed. I am intimately sharing all that life has to offer with a great man while enjoying the pleasure of beautiful family and friends.”

Self-Assessment:  Reflective questions

  1. What would I be doing if I were not this busy?
  2. What moves and inspires me at the core of who I am?
  3. Who could I be and what actions could I take to expand those experiences in my life?
  4. If I could not fail, who would I be? What would I be doing? What would I have?
  5. Do one thing every day to breathe life into what you discovered in your answers.


EQ Emotional Intelligence Assessments are based on composites and their competencies. Each week in this series of blogs I will explore a composite or competency and its importance and impact on leadership; and then provide an exercise to help you expand that particular composite or competency.  I encourage you to buy a journal for the walk into your greatness, to do the work thoughtfully, and share your discoveries and challenges with me – either through the comments section of this blog or at trudy@simplymore.ca.